Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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