I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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