I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize