i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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