Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
