i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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