Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
