did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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