I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
