he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
