Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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