Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
