it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
