He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
