Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
