Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
