I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
