so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
