First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
