apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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