Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
