My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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