The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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