How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
