At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
