your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hello my rib-scented angel!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
