dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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