I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
