True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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