I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
