Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
