I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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