he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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