Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
