I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
