I faked an abortion last night.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm bleeding and have questions
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
