I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
