i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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