We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
