go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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