I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to align my fucking chakras
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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