its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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