I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wear drunk well.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
