The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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