I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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