Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
