Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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