That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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