On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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