so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
