A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize