HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
