Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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