I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
