Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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