We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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