Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
