just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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