Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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