Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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