If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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