youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
