all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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