I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
