Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
