Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
