a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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