every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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