is your mom at the bar?
why didn't you poke me back
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
