the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
