I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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