it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
