jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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