i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
