He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
