worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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