so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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