dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
