Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
