Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How does one acquire holy water?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
