i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
