the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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