FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
