Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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