Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
